The Lord saved me when I was eight years old.
One day when I was 12 years old, the Lord began bringing people around in my life, to receive counsel from me. Strange as it may sound, but that was the beginning of ministerial work it seemed, as the Lord gave me wisdom beyond what the world teaches, and would work through me to help those people He sent around me.
Today, now in my 30's, I find myself facing an onslaught of people who keep trying to convince me to give up ministerial work that I am led to do. On a daily basis I am told I need to stop trying to help this person, that person, I need to focus on this other thing, ignore this area of ministry and only deal with this other area of ministry, so on and so forth.
In what I feel is the final stretch of this race I run, the ministerial work that the Lord would have for me here on earth, I truly begin to tire from these things. While I refuse to give up, it is becoming rough as I seldom receive any edification or any encouragement to continue onward. Rather I am continually told to do other things and look other directions and so on and so forth.
The imagery that comes to my mind is that of a person tied down, and is repeatedly tortured and punched in the face for the purpose of surrendering. While I, the captive, refuse to give in...after a while of repeated torture I grow tired and disoriented and hard for me to concentrate and continue.
The night before last, I had a dream that was out of the ordinary. Normally I have a sense of control over my dreams. This one however, was not anything of the sort. It continues to fill my thoughts though all day yesterday and still today. It gave me a bit of hope in regard to some things, but also was a bit sad concerning some future trials. Then today a little desktop statue I found long ago caught my attention. It's a statue regarding the story behind "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." If you don't know that story, it's a good one to remember.
"In 1884, James Wells, Moderator of the United Free Church of Scotland, in his book The Parables of Jesus tells the story of a little girl carrying a big baby boy. Seeing her struggling, someone asked if she wasn't tired. With surprise she replied, "No, he's not heavy; he's my brother.""
Whenever I consider that story, and look at that on my desk I think, "I was that little brother being carried by the Lord." I'm often brought to tears. Dealing with feelings of rejection when I was a child and growing up, things like the memories of what God has done for me are quick to bring me to lie prostrate before the throne of God in thanksgiving and desire to be used of Him.
But it's because He carried me, that I often get weary of hearing "you need to stop helping this/that person. They're too much trouble." God carried me when I was too much trouble, how dare I think otherwise for anyone else. Ministry work is not some lax job or easy street recliner style work. Ministry is ministry. Therefore I will "carry" those brothers, those sisters, when the Lord lays on my heart to do so.
This might confuse some though in thinking I mean I will forever carry someone and do their work and walk their walk for them. No. Loving someone as the older sibling in the story, doesn't mean doing everything for someone. When you love someone you also know they need to learn to walk on their own as well. They will never strengthen their legs if I carried them all the time. And there is surely a time soon enough when I will not be there TO carry them...so they must learn to walk.
But to those who continually trouble me with pressure to quit in this final stretch....I grow weary of hearing it. Pray for me, you who read this and encourage me in the Lord. Please, I truly need your prayers that I may run this race. And that while being punched in the face spiritually over and over again day in and day out, please pray that I have clarity of mind in the midst of this, that I may know the will of the Father and walk in His calling, without being hindered by those who would hinder me.
Thank you all dearly. I love you, and God-willing will see you again later!
~In Christ,
Michael
