Another thing that has been going through my mind lately is Nehemiah.
When I was growing up someone very dear to me once told me they felt the Lord wanted them to tell me that the book of Nehemiah was for me. (Not in those words exactly, but along the line of that I needed to read and hold onto it because it spoke of how I was). Lately I found myself crying out to the Lord concerning what He would have me do, and what He has shown me, and what He has called me to do. There is such confusion lately, and of course the usual feeling of trying to live in two different worlds.
As I've prayed that in the past, He would usually somehow bring me back to Nehemiah and remind me. And it's no different this time either, as a sister just randomly decided to tell me in conversation that she has been studying Nehemiah lately. . .
And so, Nehemiah. I still pray though, and ask the Lord just what about Nehemiah is it that is important for me to know regarding my call? Am I called to something similar? He told me growing up that He set me to wake up the sleeping Christians and showed me going to different churches around the United States. But why isn't that happening, I ask. Where are the open doors necessary? Am I the reason doors haven't opened?
Over the last 7-10 years I've had opportunities to visit and minister at other churches, yet I was led to believe to turn those down and be only available to the church here in my area. I truly believe I am utterly at fault for those doors I rejected. But I often question if I still do this, or if I'm doing something else that is hindering these doors from opening. I am not sure.
But I simply pray for understanding in regard to what Nehemiah has to do with me and what God has called me to do, and what am I supposed to do about it, in taking steps in my life.
Friday, March 24, 2017
March 24th, 2017
As I woke up this morning I had so many thoughts go through my mind. Thoughts of where I used to be, and thoughts of where I am today, and thoughts of how in the world I got to the place I am today.
Since my last post I have found another place to live. We are living in a small semi-country city about 30-45 minutes away from where I used to live, called Berwick, Louisiana. I also am no longer at my other job but have begun doing software-developer jobs in an effort to try to get things going. So far...well let's just say I ask please to keep me in prayer for finances.
The biggest thing that has been running through my mind lately is how I am all over the place lately. There are days I'm on the mountains, and days I'm about 100 miles below the valleys. I've been thinking about how things used to be with online ministry and also with me and people in general. I've lost a joy I used to have, mostly due to allowing other people to live my life for me instead of me live my life. I still seem to struggle with getting myself back in order after all these years of doing that, but I often wonder why it is happening the way it is. The biggest thing though is the feeling of letting so many people down.
I constantly feel that way, and it makes me just isolate myself and not want to try to help others or reach out to them because of feeling like I just let people down. It is especially rough lately, because of that whole idea of "You need to be strong, Michael. People need you to be strong, so don't tell them anything you're going through." Yet inwardly I grew to truly dislike the indifference I was given by others when I was that way. People never seemed to care about how I was doing (except for 3 I cherish) when I hid my battles. So I decided to stop hiding them and let people know. However, in doing that I believe I've lost more than gained. Again, that whole idea of "You need to be strong for others, Michael" comes to mind, and I feel like I let people down. *sigh* Life is never simple is it?
So, I'm back to trying to remember not to concern other people with my battles. Seclude my struggles. Yet I refuse to lie when people ask how I'm doing, or want to begin discussing certain things in my life that I really am struggling with. So I tend to have to come up with answers that are not a lie, but are not going to get into the subject. It's not that I don't WANT to open up to others, but I've noticed that when I do 98% of the time I am misunderstood. I ask for prayer for something and people take it the wrong way. I make mention of missing something and people get offended because they have it in their lives and feel like they have supplied it to me (when either it has nothing to do with what they assumed, or they ultimately haven't). I know this isn't true for everyone, and I am beyond blessed to have the select few in my life who love me with the Love of the Lord, don't assume the worst, and sincerely care about how I am doing. Sadly they are so few, and they are often so far away, and the thought of burdening them still ensures I don't "dump" on them of course.
And the worst part is that I've laid myself open to people as much as possible with the hopes that if they have anything against me they would come to me about it; If they think something about me they would approach me before running with the thought; That they would be less likely to misunderstand me. Yet I've found in reality it is happening even MORE than ever before. And worst of all is that it is happening among those to whom I used to feel closest. It's broken me, to say the least. Not the spiritual brokenness that is good, though. Rather, the brokenness that causes one to not know what to do, and to decide to close themselves off to the rest of the world.
Perhaps one day things will get better. I have hope that they will, yet inwardly there is the idea that...perhaps this is just my life and the path that I am set to walk on. It doesn't make much sense to me of course, but . . .
My life is not my own and I've given it to God. Therefore, God's Will be done.
I love you folks, and will aim to write again soon. May God keep blessing you mightily!
Love in Christ,
Michael
Since my last post I have found another place to live. We are living in a small semi-country city about 30-45 minutes away from where I used to live, called Berwick, Louisiana. I also am no longer at my other job but have begun doing software-developer jobs in an effort to try to get things going. So far...well let's just say I ask please to keep me in prayer for finances.
The biggest thing that has been running through my mind lately is how I am all over the place lately. There are days I'm on the mountains, and days I'm about 100 miles below the valleys. I've been thinking about how things used to be with online ministry and also with me and people in general. I've lost a joy I used to have, mostly due to allowing other people to live my life for me instead of me live my life. I still seem to struggle with getting myself back in order after all these years of doing that, but I often wonder why it is happening the way it is. The biggest thing though is the feeling of letting so many people down.
I constantly feel that way, and it makes me just isolate myself and not want to try to help others or reach out to them because of feeling like I just let people down. It is especially rough lately, because of that whole idea of "You need to be strong, Michael. People need you to be strong, so don't tell them anything you're going through." Yet inwardly I grew to truly dislike the indifference I was given by others when I was that way. People never seemed to care about how I was doing (except for 3 I cherish) when I hid my battles. So I decided to stop hiding them and let people know. However, in doing that I believe I've lost more than gained. Again, that whole idea of "You need to be strong for others, Michael" comes to mind, and I feel like I let people down. *sigh* Life is never simple is it?
So, I'm back to trying to remember not to concern other people with my battles. Seclude my struggles. Yet I refuse to lie when people ask how I'm doing, or want to begin discussing certain things in my life that I really am struggling with. So I tend to have to come up with answers that are not a lie, but are not going to get into the subject. It's not that I don't WANT to open up to others, but I've noticed that when I do 98% of the time I am misunderstood. I ask for prayer for something and people take it the wrong way. I make mention of missing something and people get offended because they have it in their lives and feel like they have supplied it to me (when either it has nothing to do with what they assumed, or they ultimately haven't). I know this isn't true for everyone, and I am beyond blessed to have the select few in my life who love me with the Love of the Lord, don't assume the worst, and sincerely care about how I am doing. Sadly they are so few, and they are often so far away, and the thought of burdening them still ensures I don't "dump" on them of course.
And the worst part is that I've laid myself open to people as much as possible with the hopes that if they have anything against me they would come to me about it; If they think something about me they would approach me before running with the thought; That they would be less likely to misunderstand me. Yet I've found in reality it is happening even MORE than ever before. And worst of all is that it is happening among those to whom I used to feel closest. It's broken me, to say the least. Not the spiritual brokenness that is good, though. Rather, the brokenness that causes one to not know what to do, and to decide to close themselves off to the rest of the world.
Perhaps one day things will get better. I have hope that they will, yet inwardly there is the idea that...perhaps this is just my life and the path that I am set to walk on. It doesn't make much sense to me of course, but . . .
My life is not my own and I've given it to God. Therefore, God's Will be done.
I love you folks, and will aim to write again soon. May God keep blessing you mightily!
Love in Christ,
Michael
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Trusting
It's funny at times I wish I had a normal life and then 30 seconds later I tremble at the thought of having a normal life. Instead I simply want a life led by God alone. If I gave God my life that means HE is my Lord, which means HE is the One in charge.
However, that sometimes means going through some times that are not exactly pleasant. That wouldn't be too bad, because if we're talking just about me I can take a beating and just deal with it. However, when others are involved it sure does make things less easy and simply. At least to me it seems that way. It reminds me of something I told God a few times. When I was growing up in Him, it was just Him and me going through life, learning, walking together and growing and learning. But when I got involved with a local body of believers as He commands we all do...I found myself more than once asking God if I can just get back to the way things were when it was just He and I. Things are always easier when it comes to us and God alone. Throw in other people and...well not so much. But that's part of the life of a Christian. It's a major part actually. We don't remain here on this horrible Earth for the sake of selfishly sticking to ourselves and taking care of numero uno. We are still here because we are supposed to be a light unto the world like Jesus. We are still here, for the purpose of others. So while it's nice, easy, and very comfortable to run and hide in the woods away from other people (at least for me...some people are afraid of being alone of course), I--we--can't do that I suppose.
But that's not too much on my mind really. Really what's on my mind is the need for prayer from you prayer warriors. I need an open door of finances come February because unless a miracle happens I will be out of my current job. The reason being safety factors and my inability to get prescription safety glasses for work (my normal glasses cost around $600; those in the form of explosion-proof safety glasses are even more).
I also need to find a place to live (and be moved out) by April of this year. This is proving to be a bit of a predicament because these problems do not erase the people problems of ministry. I also have very dear friends and loved ones who believe lies, and are acting quite contrary to how they used to or say one thing and then seem to either forget they said it and be contrary and even blame me or others when they follow through with it, or else it's because they change their minds and...
My problem with the people problem is that...I truly am unsure how to handle it. These dear ones do not take correction well from me. When I first began talking with them I had to simply let them know that this particular thing they had said to some people was incorrect. Their response was not admittance but rather excusing themselves and saying something along the lines of "it may be correct elsewhere, we don't know." Consecutive times over the years, the responses have ranged from "oh, my bad" to "well look, you don't know enough, you're younger/less experienced/less wise than I am." It has caused me to remain fairly quiet around them and let them say whatever because they don't take any sort of correction from me. There were a short few years when it seemed our friendship was growing quite close. But then that seemed to change overnight and go back to the other things.
Part of me doesn't believe such a thing is good. The other part just wants to walk away from the whole thing without trying for the hundredth time to fix the issue (with each past time failing), and hope this time would be different. The problem is I have no clue how to do such a thing, and the Lord has not guided me in how to do it either. This is why it is so easy to just walk away. But I know, deep down, that is not how love works.
I could say more, but then it may delve into complaining instead of asking for prayer. Please, brethren, keep me in your prayers! I truly, truly, TRULY need your prayers that the Lord open the right doors, close the wrong doors, and guide me in what to do! Thank you all so much for your continued help and prayers! I pray that you have a beyond blessed day today in the Lord, and that I will talk with you again soon!
Love always,
Michael
However, that sometimes means going through some times that are not exactly pleasant. That wouldn't be too bad, because if we're talking just about me I can take a beating and just deal with it. However, when others are involved it sure does make things less easy and simply. At least to me it seems that way. It reminds me of something I told God a few times. When I was growing up in Him, it was just Him and me going through life, learning, walking together and growing and learning. But when I got involved with a local body of believers as He commands we all do...I found myself more than once asking God if I can just get back to the way things were when it was just He and I. Things are always easier when it comes to us and God alone. Throw in other people and...well not so much. But that's part of the life of a Christian. It's a major part actually. We don't remain here on this horrible Earth for the sake of selfishly sticking to ourselves and taking care of numero uno. We are still here because we are supposed to be a light unto the world like Jesus. We are still here, for the purpose of others. So while it's nice, easy, and very comfortable to run and hide in the woods away from other people (at least for me...some people are afraid of being alone of course), I--we--can't do that I suppose.
But that's not too much on my mind really. Really what's on my mind is the need for prayer from you prayer warriors. I need an open door of finances come February because unless a miracle happens I will be out of my current job. The reason being safety factors and my inability to get prescription safety glasses for work (my normal glasses cost around $600; those in the form of explosion-proof safety glasses are even more).
I also need to find a place to live (and be moved out) by April of this year. This is proving to be a bit of a predicament because these problems do not erase the people problems of ministry. I also have very dear friends and loved ones who believe lies, and are acting quite contrary to how they used to or say one thing and then seem to either forget they said it and be contrary and even blame me or others when they follow through with it, or else it's because they change their minds and...
My problem with the people problem is that...I truly am unsure how to handle it. These dear ones do not take correction well from me. When I first began talking with them I had to simply let them know that this particular thing they had said to some people was incorrect. Their response was not admittance but rather excusing themselves and saying something along the lines of "it may be correct elsewhere, we don't know." Consecutive times over the years, the responses have ranged from "oh, my bad" to "well look, you don't know enough, you're younger/less experienced/less wise than I am." It has caused me to remain fairly quiet around them and let them say whatever because they don't take any sort of correction from me. There were a short few years when it seemed our friendship was growing quite close. But then that seemed to change overnight and go back to the other things.
Part of me doesn't believe such a thing is good. The other part just wants to walk away from the whole thing without trying for the hundredth time to fix the issue (with each past time failing), and hope this time would be different. The problem is I have no clue how to do such a thing, and the Lord has not guided me in how to do it either. This is why it is so easy to just walk away. But I know, deep down, that is not how love works.
I could say more, but then it may delve into complaining instead of asking for prayer. Please, brethren, keep me in your prayers! I truly, truly, TRULY need your prayers that the Lord open the right doors, close the wrong doors, and guide me in what to do! Thank you all so much for your continued help and prayers! I pray that you have a beyond blessed day today in the Lord, and that I will talk with you again soon!
Love always,
Michael
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Thought-filled Day today
The Lord saved me when I was eight years old.
One day when I was 12 years old, the Lord began bringing people around in my life, to receive counsel from me. Strange as it may sound, but that was the beginning of ministerial work it seemed, as the Lord gave me wisdom beyond what the world teaches, and would work through me to help those people He sent around me.
Today, now in my 30's, I find myself facing an onslaught of people who keep trying to convince me to give up ministerial work that I am led to do. On a daily basis I am told I need to stop trying to help this person, that person, I need to focus on this other thing, ignore this area of ministry and only deal with this other area of ministry, so on and so forth.
In what I feel is the final stretch of this race I run, the ministerial work that the Lord would have for me here on earth, I truly begin to tire from these things. While I refuse to give up, it is becoming rough as I seldom receive any edification or any encouragement to continue onward. Rather I am continually told to do other things and look other directions and so on and so forth.
The imagery that comes to my mind is that of a person tied down, and is repeatedly tortured and punched in the face for the purpose of surrendering. While I, the captive, refuse to give in...after a while of repeated torture I grow tired and disoriented and hard for me to concentrate and continue.
The night before last, I had a dream that was out of the ordinary. Normally I have a sense of control over my dreams. This one however, was not anything of the sort. It continues to fill my thoughts though all day yesterday and still today. It gave me a bit of hope in regard to some things, but also was a bit sad concerning some future trials. Then today a little desktop statue I found long ago caught my attention. It's a statue regarding the story behind "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." If you don't know that story, it's a good one to remember.
"In 1884, James Wells, Moderator of the United Free Church of Scotland, in his book The Parables of Jesus tells the story of a little girl carrying a big baby boy. Seeing her struggling, someone asked if she wasn't tired. With surprise she replied, "No, he's not heavy; he's my brother.""
Whenever I consider that story, and look at that on my desk I think, "I was that little brother being carried by the Lord." I'm often brought to tears. Dealing with feelings of rejection when I was a child and growing up, things like the memories of what God has done for me are quick to bring me to lie prostrate before the throne of God in thanksgiving and desire to be used of Him.
But it's because He carried me, that I often get weary of hearing "you need to stop helping this/that person. They're too much trouble." God carried me when I was too much trouble, how dare I think otherwise for anyone else. Ministry work is not some lax job or easy street recliner style work. Ministry is ministry. Therefore I will "carry" those brothers, those sisters, when the Lord lays on my heart to do so.
This might confuse some though in thinking I mean I will forever carry someone and do their work and walk their walk for them. No. Loving someone as the older sibling in the story, doesn't mean doing everything for someone. When you love someone you also know they need to learn to walk on their own as well. They will never strengthen their legs if I carried them all the time. And there is surely a time soon enough when I will not be there TO carry them...so they must learn to walk.
But to those who continually trouble me with pressure to quit in this final stretch....I grow weary of hearing it. Pray for me, you who read this and encourage me in the Lord. Please, I truly need your prayers that I may run this race. And that while being punched in the face spiritually over and over again day in and day out, please pray that I have clarity of mind in the midst of this, that I may know the will of the Father and walk in His calling, without being hindered by those who would hinder me.
Thank you all dearly. I love you, and God-willing will see you again later!
~In Christ,
Michael
One day when I was 12 years old, the Lord began bringing people around in my life, to receive counsel from me. Strange as it may sound, but that was the beginning of ministerial work it seemed, as the Lord gave me wisdom beyond what the world teaches, and would work through me to help those people He sent around me.
Today, now in my 30's, I find myself facing an onslaught of people who keep trying to convince me to give up ministerial work that I am led to do. On a daily basis I am told I need to stop trying to help this person, that person, I need to focus on this other thing, ignore this area of ministry and only deal with this other area of ministry, so on and so forth.
In what I feel is the final stretch of this race I run, the ministerial work that the Lord would have for me here on earth, I truly begin to tire from these things. While I refuse to give up, it is becoming rough as I seldom receive any edification or any encouragement to continue onward. Rather I am continually told to do other things and look other directions and so on and so forth.
The imagery that comes to my mind is that of a person tied down, and is repeatedly tortured and punched in the face for the purpose of surrendering. While I, the captive, refuse to give in...after a while of repeated torture I grow tired and disoriented and hard for me to concentrate and continue.
The night before last, I had a dream that was out of the ordinary. Normally I have a sense of control over my dreams. This one however, was not anything of the sort. It continues to fill my thoughts though all day yesterday and still today. It gave me a bit of hope in regard to some things, but also was a bit sad concerning some future trials. Then today a little desktop statue I found long ago caught my attention. It's a statue regarding the story behind "He ain't heavy, he's my brother." If you don't know that story, it's a good one to remember.
"In 1884, James Wells, Moderator of the United Free Church of Scotland, in his book The Parables of Jesus tells the story of a little girl carrying a big baby boy. Seeing her struggling, someone asked if she wasn't tired. With surprise she replied, "No, he's not heavy; he's my brother.""
Whenever I consider that story, and look at that on my desk I think, "I was that little brother being carried by the Lord." I'm often brought to tears. Dealing with feelings of rejection when I was a child and growing up, things like the memories of what God has done for me are quick to bring me to lie prostrate before the throne of God in thanksgiving and desire to be used of Him.
But it's because He carried me, that I often get weary of hearing "you need to stop helping this/that person. They're too much trouble." God carried me when I was too much trouble, how dare I think otherwise for anyone else. Ministry work is not some lax job or easy street recliner style work. Ministry is ministry. Therefore I will "carry" those brothers, those sisters, when the Lord lays on my heart to do so.
This might confuse some though in thinking I mean I will forever carry someone and do their work and walk their walk for them. No. Loving someone as the older sibling in the story, doesn't mean doing everything for someone. When you love someone you also know they need to learn to walk on their own as well. They will never strengthen their legs if I carried them all the time. And there is surely a time soon enough when I will not be there TO carry them...so they must learn to walk.
But to those who continually trouble me with pressure to quit in this final stretch....I grow weary of hearing it. Pray for me, you who read this and encourage me in the Lord. Please, I truly need your prayers that I may run this race. And that while being punched in the face spiritually over and over again day in and day out, please pray that I have clarity of mind in the midst of this, that I may know the will of the Father and walk in His calling, without being hindered by those who would hinder me.
Thank you all dearly. I love you, and God-willing will see you again later!
~In Christ,
Michael
Saturday, April 23, 2016
4-23-16 thoughts
An Actual Log
Today was Passover in 2016, and we enjoyed church service last night as the beginning of our yearly special services that coincide the Lord's Feasts.
Many things have been on my mind and heart lately. There's been much battle and spiritual warfare the past few weeks...or maybe I should say months...okay it would more properly be said the last year has been warfare. Yet I'm not the type to consider warfare to mean some sort of depressing state or down in the dumps style of valleys. Some do that. Me? I prefer to see the truth that warfare is action, warfare requires spiritual fighting, both defense and offense. It does not mean sitting down in the battlefield letting the enemy punch and kick and hit and attack and lay into you while you complain or cry about what's going on, with your Sword still sheathed and your shield on the ground and your armor scattered about.
No, warfare requires you to praise the Lord ferociously, learn to use the Word of God and speak the truth to the lies of the enemy and rebuke the enemy and glorify the Lord as you plant your feet deep and press on, with peace and joy. There is no "letting the enemy depress/discourage/plant thoughts/whatever" in warfare. When you notice the enemy is getting after you, if you let him continue instead of rebuke him and bind him up and lay into him like you'd lay into some weaker thief that intrudes into your home (the devil IS weaker than you if you are in Christ Jesus; He is a fallen angel, whereas you have the Almighty God dwelling in you)...if you let him rob you and just sit by as he does so, complaining or listening to him then you are indeed that person I described who is sitting on the battlefield above.
But this isn't all that has been on my mind lately. What has been on my mind, and more properly in my heart, is a bit upsetting. I'm not sure I could even properly describe it here, or perhaps even if I should attempt it. But to put it very loosely, I grow weary in seeing far too many say "yea and amen" in churches and elsewhere and yet never walk in their call. Time is growing short. We cannot waste time any longer. And I know I am above all, talking to myself. I've mentioned elsewhere and have admitted so many times that for a period of perhaps 6-7 years I allowed myself to get distracted and off track from what God had called me to do, due to listening to others and not God. And to this day I feel I am the one at fault for certain things not yet being present in my life in regard to what God has called me to do. What is worse, is that I am unsure how many more days I have left to do what God has told me to do. Two years perhaps? Less time than that? Would I be blessed with more time than that? I used to not want more time but would rather be in heaven at this very moment. Yet the thought that the Lord would give me more than two years longer to work for Him in this world, is almost like a sigh of relief because of all those years I wasted. But...God's will be done, not mine. I will go home when the Lord knows it's time, not a second before, and not a second after.
Yet, there are things bothering me lately, that I see far too much. . . .selfishness in the church (by church, you should know I speak of the true church, the Body of Christ, not some building). There are far too many who, because the world is getting more wicked and anti-Christ, are turning their eyes and hearts inward and toward themselves and only themselves...or toward other believers and not a world that is dying and in need of the Life of Christ. Far too often, I see the harvest fields white and ready, and yet too many labourers sitting at a table just chatting it up about how good supper was yesterday. All the while, false labourers are out there reaping these souls, and leading them to their spiritual death with doctrines of devils...while the labourers sit, and complain, and criticize at what's happening...
It makes me want to yell, to slap, to grab people by the collar, shake them, and say "SHUT UP and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!"
I brought a similar topic before the Lord recently. I asked Him, "What am I supposed to do? What can be done? I've tried for years, and I've taught and preached and spoken and counseled and tried for years, and it's to no avail it seems. I know YOU are the One who gives the increase and it's all out of my hands, my job is simply to obey you. But what am I going to do? How are these people going to wake up?! Do I have to just get others from the outside and focus on THEM and stir THEM up to walk in what You've called them to do, and ignore the sleepers? Maybe the new ones will stir up the proper zeal?" and the Lord's reply was along the lines of "You know it."
Over the decades that the Lord has blessed me to use me to minister and counsel to various people, I've learned many things, and one of the things is of course, you can't force someone to obey God and walk with the Lord. I'm reminded simply of what Jesus told His disciples about any cities that didn't want them when they went to preach the Gospel. He told them to shake their dust off their feet, and MOVE ON to another place that WOULD accept the Lord. We don't read that the Lord told them to keep trying to force the Lord on them. He doesn't say to complain about being rejected. He doesn't say to be frustrated by them, or to talk about them, or to get upset about them, or whatever. He pretty much says, move on. In our limited time here on earth, we would be wise to spend it doing what God would have us do, instead of trying to do what we THINK we ought to do or what we WANT to do. Not everyone will be saved. Not everyone wants to be saved. Not everyone is simply blind (remember the pharisees who heard the Truth and still refused, and Jesus told them they were no longer blind...John 9:41). So, instead of trying to convince a city to accept the Lord and insist on revival to a people who don't want to be awakened...we ought better to simply move to another soul upon which the Father has been preparing their hearts and drawing them to the Lord Jesus and they're just waiting for you, the seed-planter/the waterer/the laborer, to come along.
And I know, I speak this to myself more than anything. And I need to be reminded and I need to LISTEN. As the Lord said...I already have been told by Him what to do, and already know. Though I sure do long for the day for fellow labourers whose heart is not on themselves, but who have the same heart as the Lord, who care about ministering to people who need the Lord.
All these things and more run through my mind and heart the past few weeks. And as the feast of Unleavened Bread begins, I await to see what the Lord has in store, according to the Word He gave me "When? Now." and "Deliverance."
"Father, thank You for loving me, for loving us! Please, help me to see me as YOU see me. All I see in the mirror is nothing, no one important, and of no consequence, and therefore the temptation to fade into silence is great. But Lord, You know all things, and I ask, Father, please help me to walk in what You would have me walk in. No more wasting time, no more feeling stuck, no more excuses or distractions. Let me see only You, hear only what You would have me hear, and let only Your Words come from my mouth. And please, teach me to love You the way You love me. I love You, Lord, and thank You so much, for everything...for YOU."
Today was Passover in 2016, and we enjoyed church service last night as the beginning of our yearly special services that coincide the Lord's Feasts.
Many things have been on my mind and heart lately. There's been much battle and spiritual warfare the past few weeks...or maybe I should say months...okay it would more properly be said the last year has been warfare. Yet I'm not the type to consider warfare to mean some sort of depressing state or down in the dumps style of valleys. Some do that. Me? I prefer to see the truth that warfare is action, warfare requires spiritual fighting, both defense and offense. It does not mean sitting down in the battlefield letting the enemy punch and kick and hit and attack and lay into you while you complain or cry about what's going on, with your Sword still sheathed and your shield on the ground and your armor scattered about.
No, warfare requires you to praise the Lord ferociously, learn to use the Word of God and speak the truth to the lies of the enemy and rebuke the enemy and glorify the Lord as you plant your feet deep and press on, with peace and joy. There is no "letting the enemy depress/discourage/plant thoughts/whatever" in warfare. When you notice the enemy is getting after you, if you let him continue instead of rebuke him and bind him up and lay into him like you'd lay into some weaker thief that intrudes into your home (the devil IS weaker than you if you are in Christ Jesus; He is a fallen angel, whereas you have the Almighty God dwelling in you)...if you let him rob you and just sit by as he does so, complaining or listening to him then you are indeed that person I described who is sitting on the battlefield above.
But this isn't all that has been on my mind lately. What has been on my mind, and more properly in my heart, is a bit upsetting. I'm not sure I could even properly describe it here, or perhaps even if I should attempt it. But to put it very loosely, I grow weary in seeing far too many say "yea and amen" in churches and elsewhere and yet never walk in their call. Time is growing short. We cannot waste time any longer. And I know I am above all, talking to myself. I've mentioned elsewhere and have admitted so many times that for a period of perhaps 6-7 years I allowed myself to get distracted and off track from what God had called me to do, due to listening to others and not God. And to this day I feel I am the one at fault for certain things not yet being present in my life in regard to what God has called me to do. What is worse, is that I am unsure how many more days I have left to do what God has told me to do. Two years perhaps? Less time than that? Would I be blessed with more time than that? I used to not want more time but would rather be in heaven at this very moment. Yet the thought that the Lord would give me more than two years longer to work for Him in this world, is almost like a sigh of relief because of all those years I wasted. But...God's will be done, not mine. I will go home when the Lord knows it's time, not a second before, and not a second after.
Yet, there are things bothering me lately, that I see far too much. . . .selfishness in the church (by church, you should know I speak of the true church, the Body of Christ, not some building). There are far too many who, because the world is getting more wicked and anti-Christ, are turning their eyes and hearts inward and toward themselves and only themselves...or toward other believers and not a world that is dying and in need of the Life of Christ. Far too often, I see the harvest fields white and ready, and yet too many labourers sitting at a table just chatting it up about how good supper was yesterday. All the while, false labourers are out there reaping these souls, and leading them to their spiritual death with doctrines of devils...while the labourers sit, and complain, and criticize at what's happening...
It makes me want to yell, to slap, to grab people by the collar, shake them, and say "SHUT UP and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!"
I brought a similar topic before the Lord recently. I asked Him, "What am I supposed to do? What can be done? I've tried for years, and I've taught and preached and spoken and counseled and tried for years, and it's to no avail it seems. I know YOU are the One who gives the increase and it's all out of my hands, my job is simply to obey you. But what am I going to do? How are these people going to wake up?! Do I have to just get others from the outside and focus on THEM and stir THEM up to walk in what You've called them to do, and ignore the sleepers? Maybe the new ones will stir up the proper zeal?" and the Lord's reply was along the lines of "You know it."
Over the decades that the Lord has blessed me to use me to minister and counsel to various people, I've learned many things, and one of the things is of course, you can't force someone to obey God and walk with the Lord. I'm reminded simply of what Jesus told His disciples about any cities that didn't want them when they went to preach the Gospel. He told them to shake their dust off their feet, and MOVE ON to another place that WOULD accept the Lord. We don't read that the Lord told them to keep trying to force the Lord on them. He doesn't say to complain about being rejected. He doesn't say to be frustrated by them, or to talk about them, or to get upset about them, or whatever. He pretty much says, move on. In our limited time here on earth, we would be wise to spend it doing what God would have us do, instead of trying to do what we THINK we ought to do or what we WANT to do. Not everyone will be saved. Not everyone wants to be saved. Not everyone is simply blind (remember the pharisees who heard the Truth and still refused, and Jesus told them they were no longer blind...John 9:41). So, instead of trying to convince a city to accept the Lord and insist on revival to a people who don't want to be awakened...we ought better to simply move to another soul upon which the Father has been preparing their hearts and drawing them to the Lord Jesus and they're just waiting for you, the seed-planter/the waterer/the laborer, to come along.
And I know, I speak this to myself more than anything. And I need to be reminded and I need to LISTEN. As the Lord said...I already have been told by Him what to do, and already know. Though I sure do long for the day for fellow labourers whose heart is not on themselves, but who have the same heart as the Lord, who care about ministering to people who need the Lord.
All these things and more run through my mind and heart the past few weeks. And as the feast of Unleavened Bread begins, I await to see what the Lord has in store, according to the Word He gave me "When? Now." and "Deliverance."
"Father, thank You for loving me, for loving us! Please, help me to see me as YOU see me. All I see in the mirror is nothing, no one important, and of no consequence, and therefore the temptation to fade into silence is great. But Lord, You know all things, and I ask, Father, please help me to walk in what You would have me walk in. No more wasting time, no more feeling stuck, no more excuses or distractions. Let me see only You, hear only what You would have me hear, and let only Your Words come from my mouth. And please, teach me to love You the way You love me. I love You, Lord, and thank You so much, for everything...for YOU."
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Subtle Doubt vs Faith and Thankfulness
If you ask a Christian if they believe or trust God, most will wholeheartedly and very quickly respond with a "Yes, Of course!"
However, I tend to prefer being eager to self-examine. This is because unless we examine ourselves deeply...how do we know what needs working on? The Word tells us to examine ourselves to make sure we are in the faith or not (2 Corinthians 13:5). The Holy Spirit will help us and reveal the things hidden deep in our hearts that we need to allow Him to heal and to work on and to fix.
There's two examples of this when the Lord showed me just how easy it is for us to allow doubt to creep into our hearts through our thinking...or our very own words (which ... our words reveal our heart...Luke 6:45).
About a year ago I was being kicked out of the place I was living. And while I was running out of time to find another place to live, I was talking with some sisters at church before service. During the discussion I said the words, "If the Lord doesn't provide, I'll be homeless and just have to deal with it. I have a truck I can live out of if so be." And we continued talking a little bit longer.
About an hour later, after worship service and during the sermon, the Holy Spirit decided it was time to replay my exact words back at me, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE..." I was stopped in my tracks at that. Again..."If the Lord doesn't provide????" and again, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE?!?!?!" At that moment I was shocked and angry at my own words and said within myself, "How DARE you, Michael . . . are you saying that there's even the option that the Lord may not provide?!" I had to repent right then and there, to the Lord for ever even considering that He may fail me. He will NEVER fail me. And I know this to be true. Yet...my words revealed a bit of subtle doubt within my heart, that I entertained the thought of "What if" the Lord doesn't provide. . .
I repented to the Lord, then I had to repent to those sisters to whom I said those words!
Don't you know...the very next day...the door opened up for me a place to live? I had been searching and calling and trying to find a place for weeks, and then finally when the Holy Spirit revealed out of my own mouth, the subtle doubt that snuck into my heart, and I repented of such a thing...the Lord proved Himself once again to be faithful in all things! Isn't He wonderful!!
Now there's one example. Another example is another very subtle way that unthankfulness and doubt sneaks in.
There was a time I was truly struggling financially, and truly needing to trust the Lord to supply my daily bread. A big bill was coming due, and I had figured with my next check I would have just enough to cover the bill. I looked at the check and it slipped out of my mouth, "Sheesh, JUST barely enough to pay the bill." Sounds fine, right? But you know, when you self-examine regularly, you notice even the tones and words you use, reveal things in your heart. I heard within myself, my heart said, "You're lucky that it wasn't less or you wouldn't have made it." and "Sheesh, cutting it close, eh God?"
My heart instead, SHOULD have rejoiced and told God, "Thank You, Lord! You always provide the exact amount I need, with abundance even! You never fail me!" I had to repent, and correctly thank the Lord for providing!
Another chance to recognize that subtle unthankfulness that trickles into our heart...and another opportunity to kick it to the curb and repent and grow! Thank You, Lord, for loving me, and us all, enough to show us these things, correct us like a Good Father, and bring us closer to You!
Love you all,
Stay Blessed,
~C. Michael
However, I tend to prefer being eager to self-examine. This is because unless we examine ourselves deeply...how do we know what needs working on? The Word tells us to examine ourselves to make sure we are in the faith or not (2 Corinthians 13:5). The Holy Spirit will help us and reveal the things hidden deep in our hearts that we need to allow Him to heal and to work on and to fix.
There's two examples of this when the Lord showed me just how easy it is for us to allow doubt to creep into our hearts through our thinking...or our very own words (which ... our words reveal our heart...Luke 6:45).
About a year ago I was being kicked out of the place I was living. And while I was running out of time to find another place to live, I was talking with some sisters at church before service. During the discussion I said the words, "If the Lord doesn't provide, I'll be homeless and just have to deal with it. I have a truck I can live out of if so be." And we continued talking a little bit longer.
About an hour later, after worship service and during the sermon, the Holy Spirit decided it was time to replay my exact words back at me, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE..." I was stopped in my tracks at that. Again..."If the Lord doesn't provide????" and again, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE?!?!?!" At that moment I was shocked and angry at my own words and said within myself, "How DARE you, Michael . . . are you saying that there's even the option that the Lord may not provide?!" I had to repent right then and there, to the Lord for ever even considering that He may fail me. He will NEVER fail me. And I know this to be true. Yet...my words revealed a bit of subtle doubt within my heart, that I entertained the thought of "What if" the Lord doesn't provide. . .
I repented to the Lord, then I had to repent to those sisters to whom I said those words!
Don't you know...the very next day...the door opened up for me a place to live? I had been searching and calling and trying to find a place for weeks, and then finally when the Holy Spirit revealed out of my own mouth, the subtle doubt that snuck into my heart, and I repented of such a thing...the Lord proved Himself once again to be faithful in all things! Isn't He wonderful!!
Now there's one example. Another example is another very subtle way that unthankfulness and doubt sneaks in.
There was a time I was truly struggling financially, and truly needing to trust the Lord to supply my daily bread. A big bill was coming due, and I had figured with my next check I would have just enough to cover the bill. I looked at the check and it slipped out of my mouth, "Sheesh, JUST barely enough to pay the bill." Sounds fine, right? But you know, when you self-examine regularly, you notice even the tones and words you use, reveal things in your heart. I heard within myself, my heart said, "You're lucky that it wasn't less or you wouldn't have made it." and "Sheesh, cutting it close, eh God?"
My heart instead, SHOULD have rejoiced and told God, "Thank You, Lord! You always provide the exact amount I need, with abundance even! You never fail me!" I had to repent, and correctly thank the Lord for providing!
Another chance to recognize that subtle unthankfulness that trickles into our heart...and another opportunity to kick it to the curb and repent and grow! Thank You, Lord, for loving me, and us all, enough to show us these things, correct us like a Good Father, and bring us closer to You!
Love you all,
Stay Blessed,
~C. Michael
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Chihuahua Christians
It's been over 6 years since my last post. I actually forgot I had this blog. So I figured I'd start this up again, though not as the Bible study "blog" that you can find from the website, workmenforChrist.org/DailyBibleStudies
Rather, this will be other article type of writings. So, why not start it up again with this topic: Chihuahua Christians!
For the longest time I've tried considering a way to describe a particular type of Christian that I once was, and that I see quite often on the internet. I just couldn't seem to pinpoint a good enough description until the other day. I came up with..."chihuahua Christians!" One guess as to what that describes...
Some people love the Chihuahua breed of dogs. Personally...I consider them "ankle biters" and tease people saying a dog is not a dog unless he/she weighs more than 40lbs! I've grown up with big dogs, and will always love big dogs. In my mind, and in the mind of many other people, chihuahuas are known for being barkers. They bark and bark and bark at the slightest noise, or sight of a stranger, or knock on the door, or whatever it is they just decide to bark at. They'll bark at their own shadows if they so choose! I remember a good friend and brother in Christ who once put it nicely concerning big dogs versus small dogs. He said something along the lines of "the small dogs will bark and bark but then run when you come along. The Big dogs though tend to remain silent and let their size do their talking...they don't bark...they just BITE!"
This brings me to the reason I coined the term "chihuahua Christians." I say the following...from both experience in my own life, and seeing it in other brethren as well. This tends to be more prevalent toward Christians on the internet, but it's also seen among those offline who tend not to stay plugged into a local body or involved with offline ministry. So I'm not saying this from some sort of judgmental, accusatory position, but rather from a position of "I've been there...got the T-shirt...and ask that you learn from my mistake!"
Chihuahua Christians, are Christians who seem to bark a LOT. They will bark and bark and bark and bark at any and everything they deem to be some sort of threat...without ever actually considering whether that thing is a threat or not. They perceive it to be a threat because they don't know it, or it's unfamiliar, and therefore they bark. You know the type I'm sure. When I was a chihuahua Christian...I had a lot of "head knowledge" about the false beliefs of this religion and that religion and I was very eager to shove down people's throats and cry out "FALSE TEACHER!!!" "HEATHEN!!" "TURN OR BUUUUURRRRN!!"
At the slightest hint of something I didn't like or understand, or at the slightest sight of a stranger, I was eager to condemn with my barking. I claimed that I was just being a watchman...that I was just warning people...but the problem was...I was a foolish chihuahua. I wasn't like the big dogs who watched...who paid attention...who studied whether something was an actual threat or just a perceived threat. I decided to let my bark make me look big and bad, instead of let my SIZE speak for itself! Afterall...God in me doesn't require me to be some sort of irritatingly irritable ankle-biter who barks and barks and barks in an attempt to compensate for my size...God in me is BIGGER than any threat!
I see this in many, many Christians today on the internet. A very general and singular example would be that one of these chihuahua Christians come along someone who goes to a catholic church. Before even finding out what this person believes, they immediately start barking and barking with such a shrill bark, about how catholics aren't saved and how the pope is the anti-christ of Revelation (ugh, don't get me started on that one), and that the person is an idolater and on and on for hours if they're allowed! They just keep barking before even finding out what that individual believes...or considering HOW to approach that person, under the leading of the Holy Spirit! They just bark and bark because they read somewhere on the internet or in some article or book or they heard some TV preacher say a few things about the teachings of catholicism, and this person went to a catholic church and therefore they MUST need to be barked at!
That's what a chihuahua Christian is. Someone who has a whoooole lot of bark, without any proper discernment or wisdom to know reality versus perceived reality.
I used to be like that...and I see FAR TOO MANY of those same chihuahua Christians. My best understanding is that these chihuahuas come into existence through a lack of being plugged into actual ministry and an actual local body of believers and they lack actual face to face interaction with people. You see...when we begin interacting with souls on a face to face level...we learn. We discern. We learn how to be led by the Holy Spirit to find out what each and every individual person believes, and we actually MINISTER to them based upon proper discernment. We don't feel the need to bark at the slightest shadow of a shape of something that looks like it might be unbiblical. We don't feel the need to bark because we learn discernment...wisdom...and we learn that IF someone is actually unbiblical...the BIG GOD in us...doesn't need compensation through shrill "yip! yip! yip!" barking. We do a simple, deep, "WOOF!" expressing the truth and showing in the Word of God, and sincerely desiring they come to Christ.
The example I used above about catholics, is actually a single but common thing I see. And the chihuahua Christians usually talk about how alllllllll catholics just "hate" to hear the Truth and they just get oh so angry whenever we speak what the Bible says... And I often ask the question to these chihuahua Christians... "Oh really? How many actual catholics have you lovingly talked with? Because I've only come across a handful who are angry and yet come across MANY who are apathetic about it, and a few who actually appreciate being told what the Bible says. So reality tends to paint a different picture from what you're saying." And the reality comes out that...the chihuahua actually has not talked with many Catholics face to face...but they're just basing their "bark! bark! bark! bark! bark!" off of how they perceive the people to be based upon something they read or were told from some other chihuahua christian.
I said I used to be like that myself. So I know from example. You know how the Lord grew me into a big dog instead of being a chihuahua? He opened doors of face to face ministry. When I began to have more experience in ministering to people face to face...and learning how to be led by the Holy Spirit instead of some anti-this or anti-that internet article...I learned how to handle people. I learned how to actually lead people to the Lord instead of just a step by step sinner's prayer thesis from some article. I learned how to distinguish between the perceived unbiblical things, and the actual unbiblical things. And I was able to actually meet people where they were just like Jesus did. I am able to actually lead people to the Lord instead of scare them off or annoy them to death with shrill barking that is fiercer than the actual bite (power) within me!
If you're a chihuahua...and you know who you are...I advise you to do this....get out and among the people. Plug yourself into a local body of believers and become a member of the Body of Christ, and learn the reality that there are MANY different personalities among the members of the same body of Christ, and learn to discern the spirit, rather than outward look. Trust me...you'll soon grow into a Big Dog who has not only the bark...but the Presence to back it up! And you'll be able to let His Presence prove any bark, instead of trying to convince people with a bark.
I love you all....and cannot wait to see more German Shepherd Christians out there working the Lord's Harvest!
Rather, this will be other article type of writings. So, why not start it up again with this topic: Chihuahua Christians!
For the longest time I've tried considering a way to describe a particular type of Christian that I once was, and that I see quite often on the internet. I just couldn't seem to pinpoint a good enough description until the other day. I came up with..."chihuahua Christians!" One guess as to what that describes...
Some people love the Chihuahua breed of dogs. Personally...I consider them "ankle biters" and tease people saying a dog is not a dog unless he/she weighs more than 40lbs! I've grown up with big dogs, and will always love big dogs. In my mind, and in the mind of many other people, chihuahuas are known for being barkers. They bark and bark and bark at the slightest noise, or sight of a stranger, or knock on the door, or whatever it is they just decide to bark at. They'll bark at their own shadows if they so choose! I remember a good friend and brother in Christ who once put it nicely concerning big dogs versus small dogs. He said something along the lines of "the small dogs will bark and bark but then run when you come along. The Big dogs though tend to remain silent and let their size do their talking...they don't bark...they just BITE!"
This brings me to the reason I coined the term "chihuahua Christians." I say the following...from both experience in my own life, and seeing it in other brethren as well. This tends to be more prevalent toward Christians on the internet, but it's also seen among those offline who tend not to stay plugged into a local body or involved with offline ministry. So I'm not saying this from some sort of judgmental, accusatory position, but rather from a position of "I've been there...got the T-shirt...and ask that you learn from my mistake!"
Chihuahua Christians, are Christians who seem to bark a LOT. They will bark and bark and bark and bark at any and everything they deem to be some sort of threat...without ever actually considering whether that thing is a threat or not. They perceive it to be a threat because they don't know it, or it's unfamiliar, and therefore they bark. You know the type I'm sure. When I was a chihuahua Christian...I had a lot of "head knowledge" about the false beliefs of this religion and that religion and I was very eager to shove down people's throats and cry out "FALSE TEACHER!!!" "HEATHEN!!" "TURN OR BUUUUURRRRN!!"
At the slightest hint of something I didn't like or understand, or at the slightest sight of a stranger, I was eager to condemn with my barking. I claimed that I was just being a watchman...that I was just warning people...but the problem was...I was a foolish chihuahua. I wasn't like the big dogs who watched...who paid attention...who studied whether something was an actual threat or just a perceived threat. I decided to let my bark make me look big and bad, instead of let my SIZE speak for itself! Afterall...God in me doesn't require me to be some sort of irritatingly irritable ankle-biter who barks and barks and barks in an attempt to compensate for my size...God in me is BIGGER than any threat!
I see this in many, many Christians today on the internet. A very general and singular example would be that one of these chihuahua Christians come along someone who goes to a catholic church. Before even finding out what this person believes, they immediately start barking and barking with such a shrill bark, about how catholics aren't saved and how the pope is the anti-christ of Revelation (ugh, don't get me started on that one), and that the person is an idolater and on and on for hours if they're allowed! They just keep barking before even finding out what that individual believes...or considering HOW to approach that person, under the leading of the Holy Spirit! They just bark and bark because they read somewhere on the internet or in some article or book or they heard some TV preacher say a few things about the teachings of catholicism, and this person went to a catholic church and therefore they MUST need to be barked at!
That's what a chihuahua Christian is. Someone who has a whoooole lot of bark, without any proper discernment or wisdom to know reality versus perceived reality.
I used to be like that...and I see FAR TOO MANY of those same chihuahua Christians. My best understanding is that these chihuahuas come into existence through a lack of being plugged into actual ministry and an actual local body of believers and they lack actual face to face interaction with people. You see...when we begin interacting with souls on a face to face level...we learn. We discern. We learn how to be led by the Holy Spirit to find out what each and every individual person believes, and we actually MINISTER to them based upon proper discernment. We don't feel the need to bark at the slightest shadow of a shape of something that looks like it might be unbiblical. We don't feel the need to bark because we learn discernment...wisdom...and we learn that IF someone is actually unbiblical...the BIG GOD in us...doesn't need compensation through shrill "yip! yip! yip!" barking. We do a simple, deep, "WOOF!" expressing the truth and showing in the Word of God, and sincerely desiring they come to Christ.
The example I used above about catholics, is actually a single but common thing I see. And the chihuahua Christians usually talk about how alllllllll catholics just "hate" to hear the Truth and they just get oh so angry whenever we speak what the Bible says... And I often ask the question to these chihuahua Christians... "Oh really? How many actual catholics have you lovingly talked with? Because I've only come across a handful who are angry and yet come across MANY who are apathetic about it, and a few who actually appreciate being told what the Bible says. So reality tends to paint a different picture from what you're saying." And the reality comes out that...the chihuahua actually has not talked with many Catholics face to face...but they're just basing their "bark! bark! bark! bark! bark!" off of how they perceive the people to be based upon something they read or were told from some other chihuahua christian.
I said I used to be like that myself. So I know from example. You know how the Lord grew me into a big dog instead of being a chihuahua? He opened doors of face to face ministry. When I began to have more experience in ministering to people face to face...and learning how to be led by the Holy Spirit instead of some anti-this or anti-that internet article...I learned how to handle people. I learned how to actually lead people to the Lord instead of just a step by step sinner's prayer thesis from some article. I learned how to distinguish between the perceived unbiblical things, and the actual unbiblical things. And I was able to actually meet people where they were just like Jesus did. I am able to actually lead people to the Lord instead of scare them off or annoy them to death with shrill barking that is fiercer than the actual bite (power) within me!
If you're a chihuahua...and you know who you are...I advise you to do this....get out and among the people. Plug yourself into a local body of believers and become a member of the Body of Christ, and learn the reality that there are MANY different personalities among the members of the same body of Christ, and learn to discern the spirit, rather than outward look. Trust me...you'll soon grow into a Big Dog who has not only the bark...but the Presence to back it up! And you'll be able to let His Presence prove any bark, instead of trying to convince people with a bark.
I love you all....and cannot wait to see more German Shepherd Christians out there working the Lord's Harvest!
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