It's funny at times I wish I had a normal life and then 30 seconds later I tremble at the thought of having a normal life. Instead I simply want a life led by God alone. If I gave God my life that means HE is my Lord, which means HE is the One in charge.
However, that sometimes means going through some times that are not exactly pleasant. That wouldn't be too bad, because if we're talking just about me I can take a beating and just deal with it. However, when others are involved it sure does make things less easy and simply. At least to me it seems that way. It reminds me of something I told God a few times. When I was growing up in Him, it was just Him and me going through life, learning, walking together and growing and learning. But when I got involved with a local body of believers as He commands we all do...I found myself more than once asking God if I can just get back to the way things were when it was just He and I. Things are always easier when it comes to us and God alone. Throw in other people and...well not so much. But that's part of the life of a Christian. It's a major part actually. We don't remain here on this horrible Earth for the sake of selfishly sticking to ourselves and taking care of numero uno. We are still here because we are supposed to be a light unto the world like Jesus. We are still here, for the purpose of others. So while it's nice, easy, and very comfortable to run and hide in the woods away from other people (at least for me...some people are afraid of being alone of course), I--we--can't do that I suppose.
But that's not too much on my mind really. Really what's on my mind is the need for prayer from you prayer warriors. I need an open door of finances come February because unless a miracle happens I will be out of my current job. The reason being safety factors and my inability to get prescription safety glasses for work (my normal glasses cost around $600; those in the form of explosion-proof safety glasses are even more).
I also need to find a place to live (and be moved out) by April of this year. This is proving to be a bit of a predicament because these problems do not erase the people problems of ministry. I also have very dear friends and loved ones who believe lies, and are acting quite contrary to how they used to or say one thing and then seem to either forget they said it and be contrary and even blame me or others when they follow through with it, or else it's because they change their minds and...
My problem with the people problem is that...I truly am unsure how to handle it. These dear ones do not take correction well from me. When I first began talking with them I had to simply let them know that this particular thing they had said to some people was incorrect. Their response was not admittance but rather excusing themselves and saying something along the lines of "it may be correct elsewhere, we don't know." Consecutive times over the years, the responses have ranged from "oh, my bad" to "well look, you don't know enough, you're younger/less experienced/less wise than I am." It has caused me to remain fairly quiet around them and let them say whatever because they don't take any sort of correction from me. There were a short few years when it seemed our friendship was growing quite close. But then that seemed to change overnight and go back to the other things.
Part of me doesn't believe such a thing is good. The other part just wants to walk away from the whole thing without trying for the hundredth time to fix the issue (with each past time failing), and hope this time would be different. The problem is I have no clue how to do such a thing, and the Lord has not guided me in how to do it either. This is why it is so easy to just walk away. But I know, deep down, that is not how love works.
I could say more, but then it may delve into complaining instead of asking for prayer. Please, brethren, keep me in your prayers! I truly, truly, TRULY need your prayers that the Lord open the right doors, close the wrong doors, and guide me in what to do! Thank you all so much for your continued help and prayers! I pray that you have a beyond blessed day today in the Lord, and that I will talk with you again soon!
Love always,
Michael
