If you ask a Christian if they believe or trust God, most will wholeheartedly and very quickly respond with a "Yes, Of course!"
However, I tend to prefer being eager to self-examine. This is because unless we examine ourselves deeply...how do we know what needs working on? The Word tells us to examine ourselves to make sure we are in the faith or not (2 Corinthians 13:5). The Holy Spirit will help us and reveal the things hidden deep in our hearts that we need to allow Him to heal and to work on and to fix.
There's two examples of this when the Lord showed me just how easy it is for us to allow doubt to creep into our hearts through our thinking...or our very own words (which ... our words reveal our heart...Luke 6:45).
About a year ago I was being kicked out of the place I was living. And while I was running out of time to find another place to live, I was talking with some sisters at church before service. During the discussion I said the words, "If the Lord doesn't provide, I'll be homeless and just have to deal with it. I have a truck I can live out of if so be." And we continued talking a little bit longer.
About an hour later, after worship service and during the sermon, the Holy Spirit decided it was time to replay my exact words back at me, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE..." I was stopped in my tracks at that. Again..."If the Lord doesn't provide????" and again, "IF THE LORD DOESN'T PROVIDE?!?!?!" At that moment I was shocked and angry at my own words and said within myself, "How DARE you, Michael . . . are you saying that there's even the option that the Lord may not provide?!" I had to repent right then and there, to the Lord for ever even considering that He may fail me. He will NEVER fail me. And I know this to be true. Yet...my words revealed a bit of subtle doubt within my heart, that I entertained the thought of "What if" the Lord doesn't provide. . .
I repented to the Lord, then I had to repent to those sisters to whom I said those words!
Don't you know...the very next day...the door opened up for me a place to live? I had been searching and calling and trying to find a place for weeks, and then finally when the Holy Spirit revealed out of my own mouth, the subtle doubt that snuck into my heart, and I repented of such a thing...the Lord proved Himself once again to be faithful in all things! Isn't He wonderful!!
Now there's one example. Another example is another very subtle way that unthankfulness and doubt sneaks in.
There was a time I was truly struggling financially, and truly needing to trust the Lord to supply my daily bread. A big bill was coming due, and I had figured with my next check I would have just enough to cover the bill. I looked at the check and it slipped out of my mouth, "Sheesh, JUST barely enough to pay the bill." Sounds fine, right? But you know, when you self-examine regularly, you notice even the tones and words you use, reveal things in your heart. I heard within myself, my heart said, "You're lucky that it wasn't less or you wouldn't have made it." and "Sheesh, cutting it close, eh God?"
My heart instead, SHOULD have rejoiced and told God, "Thank You, Lord! You always provide the exact amount I need, with abundance even! You never fail me!" I had to repent, and correctly thank the Lord for providing!
Another chance to recognize that subtle unthankfulness that trickles into our heart...and another opportunity to kick it to the curb and repent and grow! Thank You, Lord, for loving me, and us all, enough to show us these things, correct us like a Good Father, and bring us closer to You!
Love you all,
Stay Blessed,
~C. Michael
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